After fighting a tough battle with the cruel world, with a mustered up brave front, I return back.
To tell you my darkest fears and to reveal my cowardly self.


After celebrating glorious successes, de boarding from a fly-high trip with some of the jealous world and some of the genuine world , I return back.
To listen to a speech about "how not to get lost in the success-comfort-zone" and to get my head back on my shoulders.


After going through a bout of hope-drain, having fought back tears of agony, I return back.
To cry them out to you and listen to your piece of advice to "take care of myself" and to keep up the hope.


After making a mistake, which escapes the eyes of the world, I return back.
To plead guilty since no mistake escapes your ever scrutinizing eye.


After taking that biggest step, the life changing decision, biding good-bye to the old, I return back.
To whisper my loneliness rant to you and to get rest assured that "all is going to be good".


After all things good and bad, after the many brave, cowardly, hopeless, successful, worthless facades and bouts that I go through during the day, I return back to thee, my subconscious mind, my pillow, to show you who I really am and to get my batteries recharged. Be it, a happy day or a not-so-good, my heart cries out for this time to RETURN back to you.
Even an insomniac knows what it is to return back to the pillow, where you hold secret conversations with the sub conscious mind. The one that reveals to you all that you truly are which even the best mirror in the world can't.

I saw the world with you.
I dreamt a dream for you.
I wished that I live that dream with you.


Disaster struck, I lost my eyes.
Despite pain, despite depression,
I kept the hope alive, my dreams unshattered.


And I knew even without the guidance of my eyes,
With just my heart, I will be able to find you one day.


Some call it, Blind Hope, Blind Trust, Luck.


But the Blind Me, just feels thus, "I was meant to discover you back".


If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. if it doesn't it never was.
I set something free, the loss pained me, I lost all means to find it back myself ( like my bleeding eye), but I wished for it with all my heart.
...

Good byes remind us of farewell speeches about memories, vote of thanks emotional moments, alcohol enhanced parties, exchange of gifts and all the good to bid good-bye to something that has been ours all the while and welcome/be forced into the new.


Some of these are the most awaited ones with so much anticipation, but when the day is there to say good-bye, it feels sad and you wage a war with yourself thinking why you even wished for such a day.


Some of these are the most dreaded ones with a heart rending and fighting to get out of the comfort zone, to enter a new world.


Some of these are forced on us, by situations dumping it on us, to let go of things and relationships.


Some of these are inevitable and age and time gets the better of us and bring us to these good-bye moments.


The hugs, the speeches made, the gifts exchanged and the drinks musings, are all only answer to get over with the Good-Bye Day. The mind goes through a lot more before it decides what to feel about the thing that is here to say good-bye to. The mind does not know whether to let it go without a tinge of fear, since it was the mind itself that longed for it. Or to try and let it go by cursing life for being merciless and forcing the farewell and then wake up after the hangover to only realize that the trial was not successful. Let it go with a whole world of joy, since it was much longed for and the new can only be good. Let it go by forcing the mind to only think of what the future has to hold, to welcome it with a new bounce of enthusiasm with some doozie dreams.


Have all good-byes been good? Why are they termed thus?
Time will answere and help us realize if the byes that we bid are good and the new has only been better with some wishes fulfilled, dreams realized and you hold fond memories of your good-bye and the old days; or the good-byes have been bad because the new have been chosen too early or luck haven't been at your side and you wish you didn't say the good-bye and longing to go back;or the most painful of all being you are still indecisive of whether the forced good-bye on you has been good or not, life does not give you a chance to get back to the old, and you know not if the future without the thing you said good-bye to is going to be good or bad?

While seeing a Red mail van pass by,


While blowing off an eyelash that fell off my eye,


While going below the bridge when a train goes over it,


While taking that deep breath to blow the candles on my cake,


While seeing the first star in the moonlit sky,


-- I wished for things trivial, small, big and huge in all shapes.


Some of these I saw come true overnight and I smiled. I learnt a lesson thus that some things just happen if you just believe and wish for it with all your heart. Simple.




Some of these I struggled for, felt helpless and hopeless at times , resisted temptation to give up,  held supporting hands and finally realized them. I learnt a lesson thus, wishes need to be worked at, whole heartedly, with perseverance and no pain means no gain. Difficult but fulfilling.


Some of these I see no doors open for, draining me of my energy, taking away the love for life from me, ruining me. Evil.


All of these I had pampered, nurtured and they had manifested themselves as beautiful dreams. Some came true in simple form with life making no fuss , some came after humungous effort and added strength to my personality and character with life being a hard earned battle win, some crushed into pieces and took away my beliefs and ruined my happiness, with life being a merciless, evil cheat. But all taught a lesson.


While there are still some keep wishing for, innocently waiting which of those categories it will fall into.
Now, make a wish , pamper it , nurture it , and make it a dream and work towards it, whichever category it may go into.
Wishes are all your life's worth.

I will put my courageous best to live this world without my soul-mate and not succeed .


I would utter the most sincere prayer for my heart to be taken care of , wherever I lost it. I would  wish evil for this cruel world for taking it away from me.


I would replay some past moments with the hope to make me happy but in the bargain get emotionally moved.


As my mind conjures up all the negative thoughts, I would cry it to sleep and in the morning offer it some words of consolation.


I would try to keep my mind focussed on other things than to be lost in depression and fail so miserably at the attempt and feel much more depressed than before.


When more things seem to be go wrong, I would just miss myself terribly and go out in the world madly in search of the "ME" with the HOPE alone clinged on.


And when I find myself back, I will cry out of joy and swear to never use this power again and will relish the joy of finding my lost treasure.


For only I know what my mind went through while the heart was away. 


The blog post in response to this contest.

Hidden behind a non enthusiastic mind is a self occupied, lost in thought mind. A wake up alarm from an observant friend unhides and brings you back to the real world.

 Hidden behind a over cautious self is a recent failure. Hands to hold and shoulders to cry unhide and reveal the strength in You.

 Hidden behind a blame-oneself for everything is a recent goof up. Balcony times with a trusted friend unhides and gears you up.

 Hidden behind a hating-self or self-abandoning is a relationship turned sore, a dream crushed and shattered onto pieces. Self Reconstruction and a mammoth amount of self-confidence helps unhide and regain the real you.

 Hidden behind a over-confident, pompous self is a recent success. A watch-dog person to rest the head firmly on the shoulder helps unhide and get the feet back on the ground.

 How much of your negatives you hide and how much more of your positives you reveal and for how longer or shorter you can remain in that hiding is the formula of life. What hides behind what, in what proportion , is based on the situations we go through, the successes we celebrate, the failures we stay stumped down with and the relationships we make and break.

 Life is a cheat, it can keep you hidden in dark forever and ruin your happiness and confidence. It can also fool into being hidden in rosy glory for ever and will unhide the danger from your eyes and one day throw it glaringly on your face.

 Hidden behind every beautiful grey cloud is an evil dark cloud and guileless white one. When the white hides itself more, the cloud gets darker and less pretty. When the black hides itself more, the cloud gets grey-ier and prettier. If you are seeing it all white or all black at any time, then you got to learn the lesson of life to see BEYOND THE OBVIOUS and to see the HIDDEN and then you WIN LIFE.
By the time, you learn this trick from life, you either lose heart to look or you lose sight to see. The sooner you learn, the lesser the shock.

 There is always something hidden, everyone hides something or the other, so does Life from you.

The feeling that yours is someone's shoulder to cry on.
The feeling that your being upset disturbs somebody.
The feeling that somebody seeks your presence.
The feeling that your pep talk helped somebody revive and when you are thanked for that.
The feeling that your contribution has made a difference to a team.
The feeling that your opinions on a topic are respected and quoted.
The feeling that you get when you overhear some genuine praises of your work.
The feeling that you get when you are told that you helped someone's dream.
The feeling that you get when you realize you are somebody's dream.


Whenever you have had such feelings, there is nothing short of glory that you have been through. People have celebrated you, your moods, and your successes as though it was theirs, people have come to you to share their moments of depression and given you a deserving part-take in their success moments and in short, have glorified you. Not to forget the best of them of all being the moments of self-glory when you have exceeded your own yardstick or have “Fooled the fools”. These moments when they occurred and when recalled are the sole reasons for us to wipe off any doubts that we had in ourselves during our downtime.


Through this blog, I leave a Thank you note for all those who have glorified ME. This is to let you know that these fleeting “glorious” moments were great to the heart and helped survived those evil fights with the inner self which is always putting a check like a watch dog to not celebrate too much.


Glory be to all of them and to all the things that happened in our lives. If not for such moments of glory, it is not possible to glide through this wicked journey called "Life".

This is not about a character of a person; it is more about the things we tend to become at certain spans or certain feel factor that we go through.


You may be an extrovert person, but there have been some private shyness period that you have gone through.


You may be a bold person, but there have been moments of deep gripping fear that has chilled your spine.


You may be an overly practical person, but there have been some emotion gripping periods where you found yourself groping to make a decision.


You may be an under-playing success or a less-excited kinds, but there have been some moments where you blew things up, felt pumped up and found it hard to keep that head on those shoulders.


You may be an enthusiastic, high energy person, but there are some periods where you felt even a great dream realized or a much-longed-for successful moment seems subdued.


You may be a patience personification, but there are some hurried moments that you have gone through.


What caused these?
There are situations which have led us to such moments.
There are relationship links who revealed these moments to us.
There are some threshold points in life which caused these changes in us.
There sometimes is no plain reason for those fleeting moments, they just come by and leave you wondering about what you are doing to yourself as a person.


When reading this, if you can recall such stances in your life, then you know exactly what am talking about. If you don't recall any, then it is most likely that you haven't just realized these moments, but they have existed in your life. I am almost certain; there can be no one who has not gone through this.


My series is going to be on these periods that we go through in life and the impact it has had on us as a person.