Relationships - Part 10 - The "no-fear-of-losing-them" relationship

Thursday, November 12, 2009         
When with the "Basement" people, if we know that they belong to this category, we are at our "Cautious" best.


When with the "Cheer-Time" people, we are at our "Cheerful" best.


When with the "Balcony" people during our most vulnerable point, at our "ego-less" best.


When with the "Watch-dog" people while being watched over and chided, we are at our "genuinely-guilty" best.


When with the "Time-pass" people, we are at our "nonchalant" best.


When with the "Left-to-themselves" people, we are best left-to-ourselves and at our "comfortable-no-pretense" best.


When with the "Not-by-choice" people, we are at our "Self" best.


When with the "Biased relationships" people, we are at "Influenced" best.


But there are some people, with whom we are all our best and our worst too. They are the people to whom we can afford to show our worst. All your best and worst, with no defined intervals while exhibiting them, with no clear definition or line drawn between your best and worst, with no conscious attempt to be either. You can be all of it, only because, you have just "no fear of losing" them even if you have been at your best or worst for any longer or shorter time spans. Best or worst, you don't fear losing them, because they are ONE in you.


They are, what I call the "No-fear-of-losing-them" people, who are a blessing in my life.

When with them, the best and worst boundaries fade and lose meaning.


Impudent selfishness, guileless selflessness,
Patience personified, weak threshold of temper,
Pre-occupied independence, a never busy self,
Genuinely caring self, blithe ignorance,
All in sheer contradiction in limitless bounds.
Leaps and bounds of thoughtlessness when being together and yet a lot of thoughtfulness in the relationship.

All because you don't fear the loss.
P.S:  There probably is no such distinct category, for some of us our balcony people may be one such, for some they might be our cheer-time ones or any other category too.


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Relationships - Part 9 - The "Left to themselves" relationships

Wednesday, November 11, 2009         
This post is about a friend of mine. I’ll refer to this person as "P" in this post.


Scene 1: A random e-mail
From: Tuppence<MyTuppence.worth2@gmail.com>
To  : P<P-Tuppencefriend@yahoo.com>
Subject: Hey
Date ::<Somewhere around March April 2009>
What is up? How are things with you? Tell me if you are coming over to your mom's place, we will meet. Been a long time.
Love,
Tuppence.
--No reply


Scene 2: 2 August, 2009. Friendship day 
I wrote a special friendship day post on my personal blog with all memories and emotions about all the people I hold as dear friends and "P" had a mention in that post. I sent out an email to all whom I had mentioned in that blog for them to read, though I hadn't been in constant touch with some of them. Most of them replied back and it felt very good to read their replies, a few like P did not even acknowledge the post.
-I too did not call back.


Scene 3: 15 September, 2009. My Friend P's wedding anniversary
SMS: Hey, Happy returns of the day, Have a nice day.
-- No acknowledgement reply.
-- I too did not call back.
Scene 4: Some day, Some month, 2009. Gist of a conversation with another common friend who lives abroad.
This common friend said that P has sent her a couple of emails recently asking how she s doing and all that. She then asks me have you folks talked or met lately. I said, huh, no, I haven't had replies for my emails or SMS es and we saw each other around last Christmas time.


Scene 5: Some day, October 2009. Scrap on Orkut.
I scrapped on P's "not-so-active" orkut scrapbook.
--No reply



Scene 6: 11 November, 2009. Today. P's birthday.
I had lost my mobile 2 days back, and I had never taken backup of the contacts on my phone. hence, I lost all my contacts. Today, being P's birthday, I remembered with no reminder needed on Orkut, facebook, mobile or anything. I just almost never forgot in the last 10 years we have known each other. I quickly emailed this common friend of mine for P's mobile number, reminding her too of P's birthday. Given the timezone difference, I was going to get the mobile number only late in the evening. I thought for a second, and I actually recalled P's mobile number. I dialled and P's familiar voice said Hello.
Me: Hey It is me.
P: Ya, I know. I was wondering, where you vanished, are you in India at all? I was telling my mom  yesterday, how you have disappeared and that I should drop in to your home to visit you. And I don't even know the new  home you have moved to!!
Me: I am very much in India and in town. I lost my mobile and had lost.......
P: Yeah, but you can reply to emails right? I have sent you many emails and got no replies.
Me: {Was that not supposed to be my dialogue}. Oh, you mailed my yahoo?
P: yeah, Yahoo. {P is such an old timer, hasn’t even moved accounts and being a stickler would not even write to my official email}.
Me: Ok. I don't check yahoo these days. I moved to Gmail ages back, {you, fool}. Anyway, Happy returns. Are you going to come over anytime today to visit your mom? I am free, we can meet.
P: No, I am not going to be around there anytime soon. I have got to go now, shall call later.
--
I remembered her mobile number only because she had got herself a mobile before most of us and I used to dial her number from my landline and had written it down in my "now-not-to-be-found" address books. I remembered her birthday without any reminders because her birthday has a special date 11-11 and she used to relate it to a history event at the eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month whatever, some World War end date something. So I remembered.
But if you expected me to show anger, dislike, or any decreasing degree of love for P in any of the scenes 1-5, then it is an absolute "NO". She is one of the people whom I call as "left-to-themselves" relationships. We haven't talked for months together; don't know what is happening with each other's lives, haven't seen each other for over a year sometimes but whenever we get back in touch or talk over phone, we never complain, it just is the same as it always was. She became busy with marriage, family, daughter, work and so many things in life that does not allow her to be in as frequent touch as she would love to be, but I understand perfectly and it just hasn't changed my friendship with her. I still do my bit to make her happy, during my trips aboard, I have made it a point to bring her favourite chocolate and cookies, visit her during Christmas or anytime she comes over to her mother's place. She has never visited me for the last 5 or 6 years and I have never complained. 
"Left to be on its own", our relationship has grown stronger with either of us having had nothing to do to strengthen it. I don’t know if I gave the title the most appropriate name, but this kind of relationship has just no strings attached, no demands and yet friendship , it remains. These people are as dear and important to me as much as the ones, I talk to everyday.
P.S I could recall her mobile number mainly because she stuck on to the same service provider and number for the last 7 years like she did with my friendship.


Happy Birthday , P.
{I am sure she is not going to read this post}
Post dedicated to P for her birthday and to many other such friendships that I hold similar to the one with P.
Love you all.



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Relationships - Part 8 - The "Inanimate" relationships

Tuesday, November 10, 2009         
The "Inanimate" relationships
With whom you share your bed.
With whom you share your every moment and breathe your every breath.
The "living-together" relationship.
-Yes, the inevitable mobile, which sees your emotions being nearest to you in all forms, your emotions (the SMS es), your moods, your rants, your special people are all saved in there in "Soft" form.
You go to it, whenever you feel down.
It is not the "Balcony people" this time,
They bring a smile on your face replacing the sulking frown,
It is not the "Cheer Time" people this time.
-Yes, the memories of the past locked up in your wardrobe as treasures in the form of gifts, cards, photographs, old school books, novels and report cards.


Your "pride" and your neighbor's envy,
Can respond and react well to your "need for speed" when in "Want for time",
Can relate well to your "calm" and "not-so-urgent" times
-Yes, the relationship with your cycle, bike and car. This is one of the first things that we called as "MINE" and flaunted around town.
Your best friend, It needs to be at home, sometimes within sight or should atleast be there.
You might lend them around, but you want it back in the same form.
You pamper it all day and have spent your most-troubled times and your most-happy times with them.
-Yes, for some of us, it could be books, music player, or anything that we consider as precious. The "untitled" relationship with these "priceless" possessions.
You won't go to take your favourite exam without this.
You won't step out to venture for your "most-wished-thing" without wearing this color on you.
You won't start your day without listening to this.
-Yes, Our lucky charms, for some of us, it might be a pen, a color on our dress, a song, or a phone call or a visit to somebody special. The things that we hold as sentimental with no reason for explanation.
Though inanimate, all these things are very dear and play an important role in our lives. Their loss can mean a lot of sadness. The memories keep coming back to you and upset you for days.
I can still remember the fury I felt, when the novel I lent came back in tatters and scribbles all over.


I can still remember the wrath I showed, when my mom had thrown away my old collections of newspaper clipping, old answer sheets which I had treasured for posterity's sake. I actually went over with dad that night, to the "waste paper" shop to ransack the pack that she had sent and came back disappointed.


I can still remember the immense sadness, when I found my cycle stolen.


I can still remember how upset I was, when I had deleted a folder in which I had saved some old emails while backing up desktop or laptop.


And I have no words to explain how deeply saddened I am today, at the loss of my mobile yesterday.
My "Inanimate" relationships are as intimate for me as this and this and this. Their loss is something I find very difficult to get over soon.
- Dedication to my lost mobile.



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Relationships - Part 7 - The "Time pass" people

Monday, November 09, 2009         
There are acquaintances that you pick along the way, with no real friendship factor. You get along with them to a tolerable extent; they don't annoy you or get on your nerves, and sometimes are even intelligent and smart to help you pass your time with some interesting discussions on some topics. You neither tell them your secrets nor pick on personal things in their lives. You like them just enough to be able to hold a conversation with them for tea or coffee or a smoke or occasionally even a toned down session of beer and you don't hate them as much as not being able to stand their tantrums.  They are plain NEUTRAL, the right balance at CENTRE ZERO not tending towards to either extreme. These people might tend to appear as your “Cheer buddies” and converting them into “Cheer buddies” lies in the age of the relationship and the degree of likeness and trust built. It depends on which side the balance tilts. 


Well, they are the "Hi-bye-tea-partner-and-it-stops there" people and i call them the "Time-pass" people in our lives.


Whom did you pass your time with , for Tea today?





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Relationships - Part 6 - The "Not-By-Choice" people

Sunday, November 08, 2009         
We choose our "Balcony people", "Basement people" by conscious or subconscious choice, but there is a special relationship in our lives which are not made by choice, they are decided by fate. They are parents and siblings, the relationship of a lifetime right from birth.
The closeness, degree of dependency, their role in our lives, and our take on their love for us may vary over the years, like here.


Baby:
Like I said, in the previous post, this phase is about the world in just two colors, one is with these people and the other without them. They were the world for us as babies. Anything outside of them was regarded as "evil or to be treated with caution".



Toddler:
This time it is about picking up a great deal of their habits and values from them. Our world revolves around them, we observe them a great deal, our notion of what is good and bad is framed during the unconscious observation during this stage.


Teenager:
This is when the relationship takes a deviation, preferences change, they just watch over us trying not to be too intruding and also not too lenient. They go through a mix of feelings at this stage, some of us understand this, and some find it difficult to. This is the "roller coaster" ride in the journey. How we, our parents and our siblings come out of this having had misunderstandings and having stood by each other during times of success and failures, the memories of these times are some that we hold dear and look back on to draw strength for our further struggles in life.


Adult:
Maturity sets in. This is also a stage where our siblings take on a new meaning. As a elder sibling, we develop a great deal of love for the younger one. We wish their dreams true, we don't want them to trod the same path and go through the same hardships; we want it all extra special for them, we want it all rosy for them. We want it all for them with no changing degree of beauty as much as do for ourselves. For the elder one, we develop a great deal of respect too; we don't want to disappoint them and want to see them happy.


This varying degree during the different phases was all our perspective of the parents’ relationship. They did always see us with that constant love, affection, living their dreams and aspirations through us, seeing us exhibit these varying levels of closeness with them, putting up with them patiently, placing the whole world of trust in our decisions,  and seeing the world with a new pair of eyes to complement the changing trend in our thoughts as we grew.


Parents-siblings were the first people in our lives, and they hold a special place always in our ever-changing world of newer relationships, friends and places.


Best things in life are for free. We did not have to pay either a price or an effort to make these relationships.




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If I were a baby again

Saturday, November 07, 2009         
This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 4; the fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
If I were a baby again.
Blacks, Whites and Grey
When I was a baby,
There were only two flavors in life, the "mum-dad" and the "rest", There was just black and white.
Today, life is about the shades of grey and not just black and white. Life's thrill and beauty lies in its varying shades and they are pretty.
From the two-kind to the multitude of relationships
When I was a baby,
There were just two types of relationships, one to whom who can “roll on the floor and cry your extra share of toffee” and the rest to whom you should “humble refuse that extra toffee offer”. Making new relationships involved only evaluating the “smile” and how much it appealed to you.
Today, I write about a host of relationships that I hold  here, battling it out between the heart and the mind, though with no regrets, Whatsoever.
The "Broken" meaning – Varying degree of sadness
When I was a baby,
Sadness was only about "Broken" toys and painful injections when sick.
But now, it is about broken promises, broken relationships, shattered dreams and lost loved ones. Some could be replaced but some not, but time healed them all.
The “I can” to “Can I?” - Times
When I was a baby,
Everything was a "I Can" if I try. I can crawl, walk, talk and I did it all by myself. Put my hand out and somebody held it. Even if no one did, I went on, fell , shrieked, but stood up again, all by myself.
But now, it is "Can I"? in the mind, when fallen, staying there with doubts , apprehensions , disappointments  putting that hand out, waiting for that someone to take it . But when that hand is held, it is all rosy again.
---
So, If I were a baby again, I would love to go back and teach myself not to gaze bewildered when I see the shades of grey , not to feel depressed when the “I Can” s become “Can I?”,  
So count me in the category of people, who don’t regret not having taught themselves those qualities. I am happy with what I have learnt as a child, the values I hold dear, the maturity to look back and rejoice without too many regrets.
So, I am just uttering it through my lips and not from my heart and soul, when I say, I wish I can go back to being a baby. 
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.


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Relationships - Part 5 - The "Watch Dog" people

Friday, November 06, 2009         
When trying to blame one's own self for things that went wrong, when on that overly pessimistic trip, when success is getting into the head, when you spend crazily and accumulate nonsense on those stress-buster shopping sprees, when you try to wash away your guilt by constant cribbing but choose not to try to change your situation, at all these times, some are constantly on vigilance , watching over you , putting a check on you and chiding you, both during good and bad times. They are the "Watch-dog people", for some people it might just be their conscience acting as a watch-dog.


Yes, these watch-dog people are very essential in your journey through life, after all everybody needs that policing pair of eyes to keep that head firmly on our shoulders.Be it your own inner self or your watch-dog counterpart.




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Relationships - Part 4 - The "Biased" Relationships

Thursday, November 05, 2009         
There are some people who are a dear part of our lives purely on some preconceived bias that we have for them. We liked them for some reason sometime and we just don't go back on them at any point of time. We have changed opinions about many a thing in life, what we held dearest to our hearts are not dear to us for long, preferences change in life, but these people, NO, our opinion or bias on them never changes. 
We see through their faults, put up with their tantrums, listen to their "not-really-needed" rants, ignore other's opinion on them and just plain like them because our heart tells us to. We always see them with a filtered pair of eyes and they are what I call "The Biased relationships".


Though the changing times with busy work and a "more-practical" approach to relationships and acquntainces these days, does not allow us to afford so many of such people in our lives, they do exist in our little world. They are nothing to feel guilty about, they are good and they are worth our bias. After all, not everything in life should be driven by the mind, there are some of the heart too. These are one such.





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Relationships - Part 3 - "Cheer Time" People

Wednesday, November 04, 2009         
I know am making up titles on the fly but I could think of nothing better for what I am going to talk about.
This is about the people who are neither the "Basement people" nor the "Balcony people" , but they are all the more important to look out for, to hold on always to, to be in constant touch with. They are the "Cheer-time-buddies", in my world , they just spread their cheer, rub some enthusiasm on you, even if you talk to them after a long-long gap. You just have to say a Hi and they come out in all sparkle and glitter and make you forget you sad moment and help you see a happy note in what you want to rant about.  
There is never a long silence when in conversation with them, they smile in their voices and you see joy in their smiles. 
Even the most embarassing and the annoying questions from these poeple are taken lightly by you, because it is the "Cheer-Time" buddy you are talking to.These kind of people mostly are your well-wishers and they well know what to say and what not to say to you. Long rants or cribbing sessions, nostalgic discussions , reliving happy memories, embarassing funny moments, serious discussions about future, they know just how to handle it all to cheer you up and all associations with them end on a happy note.
"Happiness is like a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself”
I have a few of my "Cheer-Time" buddies whom I hold very dear to my heart. Cheers all!! . 




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Relationships - Part 2 - Basement People

Tuesday, November 03, 2009         
A moment of joy dampened, an attack of grief more saddened, unrelated/superficial words of consolation uttered, a sigh of happiness heaved when told about things that went wrong. If you faced any of the above, then you had talking to the "Basement people". They pull you down, demotivate you, most often unconsciously. They listen to your grief ranting and in the name of consoling you add on to your misery, by trying to quote instances of how XX and YY or even themselves have gone through much more grief and that it is all meant to be. Little do they realize that in the process they are trying to rub more pessimism on you. Well, when you are sad and feeling like end of the world, you don't want to hear about others having had the same problem, yours is the worst or the saddest thing on earth at that moment. nothing less, nothing more can be more grief.


They listen to your happy moments and make it sound as though, you are over-exaggerating your happiness levels or that you don't deserve it all. Through their subtle, unintentional comments, they dampen your excitement levels, and you put you on a pessimism trip.


All that you need to do to these people, is to identify them and to stay away from them. Period.



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Relationships - Part 1 - Balcony People

Monday, November 02, 2009         
Inspired by this post here, I initially intended to write a review on that topic but the result of that thought is my post here on Relationships.
When going through a tough situation, be it losing a loved one, living through the pain of broken relationships , or witness a dream shattered, we fall back on friends or loved ones for advice, for a shoulder to cry on , for a hand to lift us up and hold on to walk a few steps.  Most often than not, more than seeking their unbiased opinion or advice, we want them to see the situation as we see it and to mouth the connotations that we ourselves have conjured in our minds during this course of living through this grief; we often even unconsciously try to even impose it on them. How do some special friends react to this?
There are people those who see beyond our grief, recognize our unconscious attempts to impose our pessimism on them, sense our vulnerable self-esteem at that moment, and dare to tell us the truth and to help with What is best at that time, though it may be hard on us. They listen to all our rants and at the end of the whole thing, they tell us the truth, the mistakes we have made, the way we should see the problem and help us get on with life.
While they listen, or while they talk us through our grief, they think not for a moment, of how their thoughts might be perceived by us, nothing matters to them any more than us getting out of this situation.
They bless you through these times with their presence and they sacrifice their most precious gift with you, their TIME. They are the “Balcony people”.
And all that we need to do is to look for these "Balcony people" in our lives, be your "ego-non-existent" self ; talk while they listen and to importantly Listen while they talk.


Those blissful moments, {standing in my balcony}, holding hands, leaning on shoulder, ranting and then listening...with hands not to just wipe that tear off but to walk along a few steps...
Dedicated to all the Balcony people in my life.




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Tomorrow - Part 27 - The Totally unimagined Tomorrows

Sunday, November 01, 2009         
Have you had a day, when too many things happened, many things changed, many decisions taken, many surprises seen, some promises made, some untold secrets revealed, new relationships made, some guilt washed away through long rants. That s too much for a day!! As the day draws to a close, when you take account of the things, you realize that all those are going to change the way you see your tomorrow. You did not even in the faintest of your last night thoughts imagine or expect this. The Tomorrow that you see in your mind is something unrecognizable, but it is going to come to you, for it was meant to be.
These might be,


A new job offer - the longed for one.
A new workplace - like travelling overseas.
A long wished for thing taking shape tomorrow.
A new relationship - like starting your life anew.
Some of these things can have a striking change in your day-to-day activities and you go through a mix of apprehensions, tension, unrest, newly dreamt doozie dreams.  You starting living that changed tomorrow in your subconscious mind, start living in the future, waiting restlessly for the tomorrow to come or not wanting the today to go away yet. It is strange  , it s creepy, it is the tomorrow that you wanted for long, but all of a sudden, it looks a stranger to you, though you know it is for the better , it scares you.
How many such "All-is-new-and-rosy-and-equally-scary" tomorrows have you had?
To one such tomorrow, that is mine.


If it is to be, it will be.




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November - Post 1 : The NaBloPoMo Challenge

Sunday, November 01, 2009         

NaBloPoMo has its official blogging month in November. I have enrolled myself for this month's challenge to blog every day of this month. Having no theme for November, I plan to go with some of my unposted tomorrows or beautiful series posts and continue on this month with posts about relationships, people, moods and et all.




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What makes me smile?

Tuesday, October 06, 2009         

I thought a few seconds about the things that make me smile. 
I thought probably an easy one and starting putting some things down.


A birthday card over post
Finding some hand written letters inside an old novel
Old picture memories
A silly act when pointed out
Favourite song on Radio
An act of kindness
A nice joke
..
..


Yeah, whatever, out of all these, what wins hands down is





A Smile itself


A smile coming from anyone, be it friend or foe, acquaintance or stranger, liked or despised;
A smile coming anytime, even if I am happy or brimming with tears of sorrows, preoccupied or relaxed, morning or midnight, 
A smile can make me smile. 


P.S: The idea of the topic was taken from BlogThis - An Old Challenge though.


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My Blog hits 50!!

Monday, October 05, 2009         
Yesterday marked 50 posts in my blog and the majority of those coming in the last one month which was September. The month has been really good to my blog, I had pampered it well, by going to it everyday. I know I have written about how I enjoyed writing about the tomorrow and the beautiful things in my life in this blog here, but today having given that theme blogging a break, only because that this month's theme at NaBloPoMo is way too difficult for me to write about, I feel I am running out of topics to blog. 


I have got a couple of movie reviews/book reviews to write about, a few more "Save the best for last" Tomorrows and some Intellectual Beautiful posts. I know am giving an excuse to get down to blog them, but I have been finding it difficult to find time out for my blog, of late. But, am really all happy about my blog reaching the 50 posts mark.



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A post from my iTouch

Sunday, October 04, 2009         
I bought this cool app BlogWrite from Apple to read and post blogs on my blog from my iPhone and I have to tell you that it is super cool. since the time I started blogging on the theme , I had composed a few posts on my iTouch while travelling but had never posted any from my iTouch.
Today being a lazy Sunday , I thought I will give it a try. Another app I really love which helps quite a bit is mobile rss , I can read all blogs which I have subscribed to using Google reader offline. They are super cool. If you own a iTouch and if you are a regular blogger you should try these.

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The Indian Dream

Saturday, October 03, 2009         
This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 3; the third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
The Indian Dream
A cliched topic it seemed, right from essay writing competitions, oratorical and elocution competitions,  most students have grown up writing or going on stage with this topic many a time and so have I and have ever-so-patriotically ended it with a heart-felt Jai Hind/Vande Mataram. 
Well, all those competitions ended, prizes won or not; but all those enthusiastic, passionate students got on with things in life liking fighting for high marks, competitive entrance exams, campus interviews, going up the corporate ladder and the likes and soon faded those words and took a back seat in those "young" minds. 
But today, wanting to write about the "Indian Dream" in a blog, brings in a feeling of guilt since nothing much has been done "To Be the change that you want to see" like what Gandhi said, the only thing remaining are the memories of those words still ringing in our ears. 
So last night, I dreamt a DREAM , one such "Beautiful Dream" like the ones I wrote about here and here and I am going to wait for a day to live that dream. 
It ain't any fancy dream but simple things I saw in my dream, last night.
I want a day when I don't step out of the flight when returning from a foreign land and get instantly annoyed at people trying to jump Queues while at the immigration desk itself
[These very same people, complain about this trait at home but care not to exhibit in their home land . It just spoils the whole feel good factor of returning home.]
I want a day when I am running late for work when living in my country and want to take public transport and feel good about it, instead of sulking . 
[During the times I have lived abroad, I have enjoyed public transport and I want that at home as well]
I want a day when I go cast my vote and come back feeling that it will be COUNTED and it will change my country's government for the better and not come back thinking "It is fixed anyway"
I want a day when the "so-called-educated-modern-day-youth" who would shell out dollars/pounds to pass the test to get oneself a driving license in the foreign land, but back home would NOT get themselves a bribed driving license without even have sat behind the wheel even once.
[This when known to be done by the modern day youth is heart wrenching. They have no right to talk about indisciplined driving styles at home, then]
Such ends my dream.
Home is where the heart is. In that heart is where my "Home Dream" is and I call it the "Indian Dream"
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.


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