Return

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.


After fighting a tough battle with the cruel world, with a mustered up brave front, I return back.
To tell you my darkest fears and to reveal my cowardly self.


After celebrating glorious successes, de boarding from a fly-high trip with some of the jealous world and some of the genuine world , I return back.
To listen to a speech about "how not to get lost in the success-comfort-zone" and to get my head back on my shoulders.


After going through a bout of hope-drain, having fought back tears of agony, I return back.
To cry them out to you and listen to your piece of advice to "take care of myself" and to keep up the hope.


After making a mistake, which escapes the eyes of the world, I return back.
To plead guilty since no mistake escapes your ever scrutinizing eye.


After taking that biggest step, the life changing decision, biding good-bye to the old, I return back.
To whisper my loneliness rant to you and to get rest assured that "all is going to be good".


After all things good and bad, after the many brave, cowardly, hopeless, successful, worthless facades and bouts that I go through during the day, I return back to thee, my subconscious mind, my pillow, to show you who I really am and to get my batteries recharged. Be it, a happy day or a not-so-good, my heart cries out for this time to RETURN back to you.
Even an insomniac knows what it is to return back to the pillow, where you hold secret conversations with the sub conscious mind. The one that reveals to you all that you truly are which even the best mirror in the world can't.
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Of Hope


I saw the world with you.
I dreamt a dream for you.
I wished that I live that dream with you.


Disaster struck, I lost my eyes.
Despite pain, despite depression,
I kept the hope alive, my dreams unshattered.


And I knew even without the guidance of my eyes,
With just my heart, I will be able to find you one day.


Some call it, Blind Hope, Blind Trust, Luck.


But the Blind Me, just feels thus, "I was meant to discover you back".


If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. if it doesn't it never was.
I set something free, the loss pained me, I lost all means to find it back myself ( like my bleeding eye), but I wished for it with all my heart.
...







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My First Guest Post




Tuppence writes her first Guest Post and is elated about it. Please read here


P.S: Thanks Ganesh for the Logo -


Goodbye

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 13; the thirteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
Good byes remind us of farewell speeches about memories, vote of thanks emotional moments, alcohol enhanced parties, exchange of gifts and all the good to bid good-bye to something that has been ours all the while and welcome/be forced into the new.


Some of these are the most awaited ones with so much anticipation, but when the day is there to say good-bye, it feels sad and you wage a war with yourself thinking why you even wished for such a day.


Some of these are the most dreaded ones with a heart rending and fighting to get out of the comfort zone, to enter a new world.


Some of these are forced on us, by situations dumping it on us, to let go of things and relationships.


Some of these are inevitable and age and time gets the better of us and bring us to these good-bye moments.


The hugs, the speeches made, the gifts exchanged and the drinks musings, are all only answer to get over with the Good-Bye Day. The mind goes through a lot more before it decides what to feel about the thing that is here to say good-bye to. The mind does not know whether to let it go without a tinge of fear, since it was the mind itself that longed for it. Or to try and let it go by cursing life for being merciless and forcing the farewell and then wake up after the hangover to only realize that the trial was not successful. Let it go with a whole world of joy, since it was much longed for and the new can only be good. Let it go by forcing the mind to only think of what the future has to hold, to welcome it with a new bounce of enthusiasm with some doozie dreams.


Have all good-byes been good? Why are they termed thus?
Time will answere and help us realize if the byes that we bid are good and the new has only been better with some wishes fulfilled, dreams realized and you hold fond memories of your good-bye and the old days; or the good-byes have been bad because the new have been chosen too early or luck haven't been at your side and you wish you didn't say the good-bye and longing to go back;or the most painful of all being you are still indecisive of whether the forced good-bye on you has been good or not, life does not give you a chance to get back to the old, and you know not if the future without the thing you said good-bye to is going to be good or bad?
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My circles – the perfect rounds and the skews

Having written a whole series of posts on this topic, I suddenly felt myself at a loss of expression and thought to write on this topic. Thinking about it, it is because I got conscious to churn out something novel, entertaining and my best. So I thought , I will take a try at the lessons in relationships without getting too boringly philosophically and simplifying the science of relationships. Like I have said in my previous posts, I consider the relationships I have made as concentric circles, the most loved ones, the most needed ones in closest proximity to the core.

Lesson 1:  Don't get conscious
Don't consciously try it make it happen and don't consciously do harm to end it. It just doesn’t work, like how it doesn’t work while writing a blog, or giving that presentation, it doesn’t work with relationships too.

Lesson 2: Don't expect text book type reciprocation
Most of us tend to expect our relationships to reciprocate in exact amount of care, love and importance. The more the merrier. We aim to be in the same proximity in their circles as they are with ours. But as life went on, as maturity set in, I came to realize the best of my relationships are not truly mirrored, they reciprocate but in a different sense, they are mutual but in varying sense of degree and category. I might be in the innermost circle of somebody who is in my mid range radius circle. I might be somebody’s watch-dog person but they don’t watch over me. I might consider somebody as my balcony person, but I may not know their darkest moments. As I constantly review and redraw my lines, I know for sure that whatever be the cadre or slightly varying degrees of proximity, it doesn’t matter as long as there exists a mutual need for each other.

Lesson 3 : Always be in for a surprise.
Relationships - the pride we take in our dearest kept ones build our personality. We shape our life's beliefs on them and start living life in a comfort zone. One day, life cheats on us, slaps us on the face and yells 'oh so you thought you could predict me' and then everything else seems to go so predictably wrong!!  So always be prepared for change! Be ready with an eraser to redraw your circles.

Lesson 4: Keep drawing
Keep drawing. Some of the lines might have been drawn as a perfect round the first time around but may not have stayed long. Some of them might have been drawn skewed and might have hurt. Some lines needed to be erased to bring other circles closer to the core, some vanished without leaving back a trace while some others took some of your personality away, while some others gave you a different perspective of life. Don't allow the happy ones to let you take your life easy and don't let the broken ones pain you forever, remember the joy they gave to soothe the pain.

Lesson 5 : Always remember the lesson
They all teach a lesson, remember it. That is the golden lesson. 




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Wish

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 12; the twelfth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

While seeing a Red mail van pass by,


While blowing off an eyelash that fell off my eye,


While going below the bridge when a train goes over it,


While taking that deep breath to blow the candles on my cake,


While seeing the first star in the moonlit sky,


-- I wished for things trivial, small, big and huge in all shapes.


Some of these I saw come true overnight and I smiled. I learnt a lesson thus that some things just happen if you just believe and wish for it with all your heart. Simple.




Some of these I struggled for, felt helpless and hopeless at times , resisted temptation to give up,  held supporting hands and finally realized them. I learnt a lesson thus, wishes need to be worked at, whole heartedly, with perseverance and no pain means no gain. Difficult but fulfilling.


Some of these I see no doors open for, draining me of my energy, taking away the love for life from me, ruining me. Evil.


All of these I had pampered, nurtured and they had manifested themselves as beautiful dreams. Some came true in simple form with life making no fuss , some came after humungous effort and added strength to my personality and character with life being a hard earned battle win, some crushed into pieces and took away my beliefs and ruined my happiness, with life being a merciless, evil cheat. But all taught a lesson.


While there are still some keep wishing for, innocently waiting which of those categories it will fall into.
Now, make a wish , pamper it , nurture it , and make it a dream and work towards it, whichever category it may go into.
Wishes are all your life's worth.

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If I was invisible...



I will put my courageous best to live this world without my soul-mate and not succeed .


I would utter the most sincere prayer for my heart to be taken care of , wherever I lost it. I would  wish evil for this cruel world for taking it away from me.


I would replay some past moments with the hope to make me happy but in the bargain get emotionally moved.


As my mind conjures up all the negative thoughts, I would cry it to sleep and in the morning offer it some words of consolation.


I would try to keep my mind focussed on other things than to be lost in depression and fail so miserably at the attempt and feel much more depressed than before.


When more things seem to be go wrong, I would just miss myself terribly and go out in the world madly in search of the "ME" with the HOPE alone clinged on.


And when I find myself back, I will cry out of joy and swear to never use this power again and will relish the joy of finding my lost treasure.


For only I know what my mind went through while the heart was away. 


The blog post in response to this contest.









HIDDEN

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
Hidden behind a non enthusiastic mind is a self occupied, lost in thought mind. A wake up alarm from an observant friend unhides and brings you back to the real world.

 Hidden behind a over cautious self is a recent failure. Hands to hold and shoulders to cry unhide and reveal the strength in You.

 Hidden behind a blame-oneself for everything is a recent goof up. Balcony times with a trusted friend unhides and gears you up.

 Hidden behind a hating-self or self-abandoning is a relationship turned sore, a dream crushed and shattered onto pieces. Self Reconstruction and a mammoth amount of self-confidence helps unhide and regain the real you.

 Hidden behind a over-confident, pompous self is a recent success. A watch-dog person to rest the head firmly on the shoulder helps unhide and get the feet back on the ground.

 How much of your negatives you hide and how much more of your positives you reveal and for how longer or shorter you can remain in that hiding is the formula of life. What hides behind what, in what proportion , is based on the situations we go through, the successes we celebrate, the failures we stay stumped down with and the relationships we make and break.

 Life is a cheat, it can keep you hidden in dark forever and ruin your happiness and confidence. It can also fool into being hidden in rosy glory for ever and will unhide the danger from your eyes and one day throw it glaringly on your face.

 Hidden behind every beautiful grey cloud is an evil dark cloud and guileless white one. When the white hides itself more, the cloud gets darker and less pretty. When the black hides itself more, the cloud gets grey-ier and prettier. If you are seeing it all white or all black at any time, then you got to learn the lesson of life to see BEYOND THE OBVIOUS and to see the HIDDEN and then you WIN LIFE.
By the time, you learn this trick from life, you either lose heart to look or you lose sight to see. The sooner you learn, the lesser the shock.

 There is always something hidden, everyone hides something or the other, so does Life from you.
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Escape

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 10; the tenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.


Escape from the evil
Understandably so, what the mind has deemed evil, it contemplates an escape from it.

Escape from the good
Sometimes the mind wants to delay the good from getting to it, though difficult to comprehend the reason, most of us have gone through this.

Escape from the discomfort
The obvious expected escape, when even a slightest amount of discomfort

Escape from the comfort
The mind wants to escape the comfort being enjoyed, because it feels by being used to all the comfort, it is only getting spoilt and pampered.

Escape from the mundane
The by-rote things being done day-in and day-out get on to you, and your mind hurriedly plans an escape.

Escape from the new
Not too far into the new things, the mind suddenly tends to miss the much used to stuff and stealthily plans an escape.

Escape from the ordinary
With dreams so high, anything such as the ordinary is just a No-No.

Escape from the extraordinary
It seems way too extra and the mind is struggling to accept the mirth out of the ordinary and is feeling a discomfort and wanting to plan an escape.

After every such escape , planned and executed, or just planned and not succeeded, or not planned but just having wanted it, what the mind has to realize is that the escape won is only temporary , the escape wished for is only a fleeting moment and the escape not won is an unanswered prayer for the better.
Whether it is dodging the evil by planning an escape, or it is feeling guilty and planning an escape from the evil, it is all temporary and you will sooner or later have to face the fate because Life is Cruel.



Both from the good and the evil, both from the comfortable and the uncomfortable, both from the mundane and the new, the mind is struggling for an escape. Is that to be treated as the ever-wanting mind for more and better or is it to be treated as being an unsatisfied mind. 
What my mind needs now, is an escape from these convoluted thoughts to reason out the need for the escapes from everything. An escape from the present into the future is what I need at the moment. 
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Fleeting series – Part 2 - The “subdued” Fleeting Times



Have you ever felt like this?

Have been longing to meet someone for a long time, when the time and date is worked out, you suddenly feel just ordinary.

Waiting restlessly for a movie or a book to be released, but when booked tickets or the book held in hand, it sometimes just feels ordinary.

Have been wanting to buy an item but stayed away because you found it expensive, suddenly it is on dirty-cheap sale, but it seems ordinary and you actually don't feel like having it now even if given free.

Have been wanting to own a thing and you get it as a gift and it seems ordinary within the first few hours.

Planned a holiday of a lifetime way in advance, but as you pack your bags and the day of start nears, it just seems like just another holiday.

A dream cherished for a lifetime, held so dear close to the heart, while on the last mile run, sometimes just seems ordinary.

These are sub-dued fleeting periods as I call them. The adrenaline does not go up, no great achievement seems great enough to excite you, no amazing deal, no longed for item seems to help and get to out of your sub-dued fleeting period. We have all gone through it and we just find anything wrong with us feeling subdued during those times. Whether or not we have realized these periods, we were better off underplaying those moments than being excited by them. Our mind plays its coins well to keep us in control, though we just don't understand why and how it manages to do it.

The SUBDUED Fleeting moments have left me perplexed and confused and wondering if am really wishing for the right things . Why my heart is suddenly not happy at what it wanted sometime back?  I waged a war with my heart asking it these questions.

Were you really happy but just not wanting to show it by being excited, and why would not want to hide it from me?
Or were you really not happy at all?

I was defeated in the war and I felt subdued once again at the end of it instead of throwing a rage. Some things are better left to themselves than dissected.


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Fleeting Series Part 1 – “Fleeting“ Glory

The feeling that yours is someone's shoulder to cry on.
The feeling that your being upset disturbs somebody.
The feeling that somebody seeks your presence.
The feeling that your pep talk helped somebody revive and when you are thanked for that.
The feeling that your contribution has made a difference to a team.
The feeling that your opinions on a topic are respected and quoted.
The feeling that you get when you overhear some genuine praises of your work.
The feeling that you get when you are told that you helped someone's dream.
The feeling that you get when you realize you are somebody's dream.


Whenever you have had such feelings, there is nothing short of glory that you have been through. People have celebrated you, your moods, and your successes as though it was theirs, people have come to you to share their moments of depression and given you a deserving part-take in their success moments and in short, have glorified you. Not to forget the best of them of all being the moments of self-glory when you have exceeded your own yardstick or have “Fooled the fools”. These moments when they occurred and when recalled are the sole reasons for us to wipe off any doubts that we had in ourselves during our downtime.


Through this blog, I leave a Thank you note for all those who have glorified ME. This is to let you know that these fleeting “glorious” moments were great to the heart and helped survived those evil fights with the inner self which is always putting a check like a watch dog to not celebrate too much.


Glory be to all of them and to all the things that happened in our lives. If not for such moments of glory, it is not possible to glide through this wicked journey called "Life".


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"FLEETING" self


This is not about a character of a person; it is more about the things we tend to become at certain spans or certain feel factor that we go through.


You may be an extrovert person, but there have been some private shyness period that you have gone through.


You may be a bold person, but there have been moments of deep gripping fear that has chilled your spine.


You may be an overly practical person, but there have been some emotion gripping periods where you found yourself groping to make a decision.


You may be an under-playing success or a less-excited kinds, but there have been some moments where you blew things up, felt pumped up and found it hard to keep that head on those shoulders.


You may be an enthusiastic, high energy person, but there are some periods where you felt even a great dream realized or a much-longed-for successful moment seems subdued.


You may be a patience personification, but there are some hurried moments that you have gone through.


What caused these?
There are situations which have led us to such moments.
There are relationship links who revealed these moments to us.
There are some threshold points in life which caused these changes in us.
There sometimes is no plain reason for those fleeting moments, they just come by and leave you wondering about what you are doing to yourself as a person.


When reading this, if you can recall such stances in your life, then you know exactly what am talking about. If you don't recall any, then it is most likely that you haven't just realized these moments, but they have existed in your life. I am almost certain; there can be no one who has not gone through this.


My series is going to be on these periods that we go through in life and the impact it has had on us as a person.

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Fool

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 9; the ninth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
The society called me a fool, when I refused to understand the word Success as defined by them and said that I am going to define it for myself.

Despite only a few successes, I never called myself a fool.
…Only because..those few were the most glorious.

Spectators and acquaintances called me a fool, when they saw me value my relationships more than anything else.
Despite some broken trusts and failed relationships, I never called myself a fool.
…Only because..with the ones I kept, I felt blessed.

Colleagues called me a fool, when I did not go behind a fat pay cheque and defined my own priorities.
Despite a depleting bank balance, I never called myself a fool.
…Only because..I had a much satisfied heart than a good looking bank balance.


Friends called me a fool, when I was cribbing, feeling less satisfied, not letting myself be in peace though things were seemingly good to everybody else.
Despite some lonely unhappy times and troubled sleepless nights, I never called myself a fool.
…Only because..my troubling the trouble attitude kept me on my toes towards my goals and to define my yardstick.


Onlookers called me a fool, for being arrogant, another set called me a fool, for being innocent,
Despite these mixed tags, I never called myself a fool.
…Only because..I had a few people who could understand my arrogance and innocence, who celebrated and stood by me, the times and situations in which I exhibited the contradictory qualities.

All the world now calls me a fool, when I say I have a dream to chase, a thread to hold on to, a connection to not let go...
Despite all the pain, I wasn’t calling myself a fool.
…Only because........................
Pain overwhelms, beliefs held strong by the heart ripped apart,
So today I ask Am I a fool? Was I always a fool or did I turn into one?

You are anything, only if you think so.
Me to myself: Am I a fool?
My heart doesn’t answer pretending not to hear.... My mind stammers…
Fool the fools one other time, mummers my mind to my heart…
Is my heart hearing?



The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
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How I learned to learn..



When I fell once got hurt, dusted and walked again, only to fall once more to be more severely hurt, 
I learnt to learn from my previous mistakes.


When I saw myself go through some of the worst and undeserved and screamed "Why Me" but came out of it ever so proudly,
I learnt to learn from firsthand experience.


When I saw myself sailing along with my kith and kin through their hardships, 
I learnt to learn from observation.


When life showed me the good and the blessings , in bouts of continuous abundance or in painful pangs of scarcity.
I learnt to learn from this lesson called Life.


During the many days of learning, the most important lesson I learnt was to keep on learning...


Blog posted for the Blog this Challenge 38: How I learned to...


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What if

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 7; the seventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

What if
The relationship circles didn't recycle to hurt.

What if
Time is never needed as a healing for a wound.

What if
There just arises no need to hide those emotions.

 What if
Dreams did not have deadlines.

What if
Dreams were not interconnected and can be lived even without being at the cost of the other.

What if
There were just no "If s" in life.

If all those were TO BE, then my life would just be a blessing, did I hear any BUT, insipid anywhere? *Sigh*, *Sulk*

I hate these IF s that keep popping in my mind for I have no answer for them and I hate the BUT s that I hear as replies even more.


The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
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THE CONNECTION – THE THREAD (Blog-a-Ton 6)

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 6; the sixth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
A writer can write only as the long as the pen holds ink, or the lead is not broken?
- Or for as long as he can think?


A singer can sing only as long as he has his voice?
- Or for as long as there is music in his soul.


A driver can go only as long as his fuel lasts?
- Or for as long as there is direction in his life to get there.


A dreamer can only dream more doozies only as long as her most cherished dream is not shattered.
- Or for as long as she can does not crush it herself.


The ink may fade, but it is only running out.
The table will shake, but it is only getting old.
The path may be blocked with obstacles, preventing only the flowing of the ink, or the sharpening of the lead, but it will clear.


All this only as long as you hold on to your pen, hold on to your writing table, the connection stays, the "ME" in you lives.


Hold on to your nerves, hold the thread and hold the belief, the "DREAM" in you lives.


If there is something that you really need, the whole world will conspire to get it to you, but you need to hold on to the world for it to get that thing to you. You need to exist in that world.





Writing is only a medium, thinking is the thread.
Driving is only a medium, direction is the thread.
Singing is only a medium, music is the thread.
Achieving is only a medium, dream is the thread.


That line on that picture between “My pencil” and the “Source pencil” is my thread, that which I cling on to, refueling my ink or sharpening my lead to keep my dream alive, to be part of this world to get THAT THING to me.
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
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